I have been over weight since middle school. Like most Americans, I have promised myself every year that I will lose weight. It started out like, "Well, I will lose this weight before I get to high school", then it transformed into, "I will lose this weight before I go to college", " I will lose this weight before my senior year in college", "I will lose this weight before I start graduate school", "I will lose this weight before I have a baby", and now that I have a baby I'm on my next statement which is: "I will lose this weight right after the baby is born."

I look at those statements and I see that I have been trying to lose weight before major events or after a person enters the world, but never for myself or my health. I have been missing in my weight loss journey and I am changing that.

Part of my change is being honest with myself and other people around me. For years I have pretended that only I could see the weight I carry, when really I am not hiding from anyone. For the most part, being over weight is like any other disability. Nice people don't point out the fact that you're fat just like they wouldn't point out the fact that a person is in a wheelchair because it's insanely unnecessary to point out the someone's reality when they are reminded of it every day.

I am no longer hiding my fat. Currently, I am 5'9" and 265lbs. I've been told that I carry the weight well, that I don't look that heavy, but I know I don't carry it well and that I feel heavy. I am going to lose 150lbs and here are 50 reasons why:

1. So that I can live long enough to be a great grandmother
2. To be able to shop in stores that my husband buys clothes in
3. To be the embodiment of a healthy family
4. To prove to myself that I am important enough to change
5. So that I don't get pimples in between my thighs
6. I want to wear skirts without having to wear shorts under to keep my thighs from chafing
7. I want to wear a bathing suit without any shame
8. So my husband can pick me up
9. When I have sex, I would like to think about other things rather than what my body looks like
10. I want to eat food and not feel guilty
11. I want to walk beside my husband without fearing that people are thinking we look odd
12. I want to know what it feels like to be full
13. To be an inspiration to others
14. To be an inspiration to myself
15. I want to love exercise
16. I want to have fun and celebrate things without it including an ounce of food
17. To learn that I can cope with my feelings with things other than food
18. I don't want to be 40something wishing I had lost weight
19. I want to buy a little black dress and not worry about how my arms look
20. I don't want to worry about whether or not I'll fit in a ride at the amusement park
21. I want to see my cheek bones
22. I want to see my collar bones
23. To buy a pair of leather boots that fit around my caffs
24. I want to wear a form fitting shirt without having a tire ring around my middle
25. I want to buy jeans in the latest styles
26. I want a pair of skinny jeans
27. I want to tuck my shirt in my pants without being self-conscious
28. I want to know that someone envies my body
29. I feel like my weight adds a layer of distance between me and people
30. I want to be able to deny a dessert
31. I want to love myself because I have never loved me
32. I want to wear my husband's t-shirts
33. I want the pain in my knees to go away
34. To have thinner hands that don't look so manly
35. I don't want to be ashamed of how I look in every picture taken of me
36. To say that I've lost the weight and kept it off
37. Educate others on how they can lose weight
38. To be a role model for my mother in her weight loss struggles
39. I want my brother to be proud of me
40. I want to go running with my brother
41. When I look back at my life I don't want it to be filled with memories of how much I hated the way I looked
42. I want to order clothing offline and at my size that's hard to do
43. I want to go to sleep at night being proud of what I did during the day
44. I want to look in the mirror and say, "Damn, I'm freakin' hot"
45. I want to be looked at by other men. No, I don't want them. But to know that my body is attractive to someone else other than my husband would be nice.
46. I want to be a role model of health to my daughter
47. To feel accomplished
48. I want to be a success story
49. I want to know what it feels like to accomplish my ultimate goal
50. To know that this weight hasn't beaten me